Hanging out in a café: Part I

“I have always felt that solo guests pay us the ultimate compliment by joining us for a meal.

Their visit has no ulterior motive (it involves no business, romance, or socializing). These guests simply want to do something nice for themselves, chez nous. Why wouldn’t we reward that?”

― Danny Meyer, Setting the Table: The Transforming Power of Hospitality in Business

Do you need that extra push when sitting alone in the café? Have you ever wondered how to sit alone at a café? I was always inspired by people who spend time with themselves and enjoy their time, whether reading books, working on a computer or just enjoying the moment.

How to sit alone at a café and stories from first-time solo coffee drinkers!

”A story about will, desire, strength, and perseverance” (Alma)

-I want to say first of all that I have agoraphobia, and it is closely related to my going out for coffee. A few years ago, going to a coffee shop was like going to a bonfire. And not on my own, but also when I’m in a company. I was not allowed to think about being independent. I think the chair under me got a hole from my nervous spinning. It was not an outing to rest and have a good time but to go through exercises and adapt to the outside world. Practice makes perfect, and so here. I adapted. Now I’m sitting in the cafe, enjoying myself and not moving nervously. It doesn’t matter if it’s hot, crowded, or smoky. And those were all triggers.

For a long time, there was a desire to go out for coffee on my own. And I was able to afford it at the best possible place. I just got up one morning (we were on vacation) and said to myself “I can do it!”
And I sat alone for an hour. That feeling is something that can hardly be compared with anything else. It was only once, in August, now I’m getting ready for another date, this time in my city. I keep this picture because it has a lovely story. A story about will, desire, strength, and perseverance.

”I would rather wait outside than sit in a cafe” (Rada)

-Growing up in a conservative family, where prohibitions were an integral part of life, took its toll and I was afraid and very uncomfortable when I was alone among people. Going to the cafe alone was a nightmare. When I was with friends, I would rather wait outside than sit in a cafe. It caused a lot of nervousness and panic attacks. When I realized that it’s better to sit and wait, especially in the cold, I didn’t like to do that, I always thought that everyone was looking at me, I felt very uncomfortable, I was anxious, I kept looking at the clock and the phone, waiting for the company to arrive. When they came, I would feel relief, but I wouldn’t be able to get rid of the tension, which was raging inside me all the time, so easily. It took a long time to adjust. Now I enjoy stand-alone coffee a lot. Sometimes I read a book, sometimes I talk on the phone, and sometimes I just sit and enjoy. For me now it is a relaxation ritual that gives me great pleasure. And I take a picture of every coffee and keep the picture as a trophy.

”I learned that it doesn’t matter what people say” (Monica)

-A year ago, I thought that if I went to a cafe alone, people would think I was crazy. Life was not kind to me, so I had an operation for a skin tumor on my head, and the day after collecting all the necessary documents, I sat down in a cafe and ordered a coffee; from that moment on, every second of my life was important and I wanted to enjoy it without losing my mind of what people will say. Today I’m fine, but I learned that it doesn’t matter what people say, but that we only have this one life and we should use it to make it beautiful.

”I felt the stiffness of my body and the feeling that I couldn’t think straight” (Marco)

-For me, this is a harrowing topic, but I am always ready to talk about it because I want to show others that they are not alone in this and that it is possible to get rid of bad sensations. For me, drinking coffee alone represented a strong self-awareness while someone was watching me, I questioned how and what I was doing, and I analyzed every movement of my body first. And I also felt the stiffness of my body and the feeling that I couldn’t think straight. With the help of psychotherapy, I remedied that problem, but it was not easy to expose myself to it to convince myself that really nothing bad would happen to me and that I am not the center of the world after all.