Do you really think you’re evolved enough to spend time alone with your thoughts?
What will people think of you sitting alone at a table?- Parts of the lovely blog from
Mehar Luthra -How I Taught Myself to Sit Alone at a Cafe and Be Okay With It
Without further ado, here are six true stories from our readers:
”My first solo coffee date was in another city” (Maria)
-Thank you for your question; it is essential to talk about this because it is considered taboo in some places. People who have not experienced it believe that drinking coffee alone is either stupid or wonder what’s so terrible about it. Because of such circulating stories, I didn’t have the courage to drink coffee myself.
I wondered what to do, how to behave, what if someone famous saw me and I thought I didn’t have friends or was crazy. I avoided going to the cafe even though I wanted to overcome that fear. My first solo coffee date was in another city.
Hey, all the time in the cafe is mine; I don’t have to listen to or talk to someone; it’s just me and silence. And then I decided to do it in my town where we all know each other more or less. I also have my favorite cafe, which is next to the river, and with the sound of the river and the sun’s rays, the pleasure is even greater.
”I like to sit near the exit or on the terrace to escape at any moment” (John)
-My social phobia problem only makes going out for coffee more difficult. When I go for coffee and unknown people are around me, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I like to sit near the exit or on the terrace to “escape” at any moment. The situation is made worse by people who don’t understand my problem, so I have to act like I feel fine when I’m falling apart inside. I feel that everyone is looking at me, that they think I’m weird, and that I’m ugly.
I still haven’t overcome that phobia, but I’m working on it and practicing through exposure and facing fears and negative thoughts.
”There is no magic recipe for everything, but persistence and exposure helped me, as with most things” (Lara)
-I was never a big fan of coffee shops and sitting in them for hours, but the little love I had disappeared when anxiety visited me. I was bothered by noise, too many people around me, loud music, warmth, and stuffiness. It was as if my being was overwhelmed by the sensations and information it was constantly gathering from the environment.
And I couldn’t relax, sit calmly and focus on the interlocutor, so I started avoiding closed cafes. This went on for a while; while I worked through anxiety, panic attacks became more frequent, and some necessary changes happened in my life. In the beginning, I tried to avoid everything that used to cause me problems or discomfort, including coffee shops, until I noticed that I was distancing myself from people, that they called me less and less, and I felt increasingly lonely. So I decided to expose myself and I went to the café alone.
That’s how I learned another important thing – to enjoy being alone in my own company. And slowly the restlessness and focus on sensations disappeared when I went with others. There is no magic recipe for everything, but persistence and exposure helped me, as with most things. Even today, I enjoy going to coffee alone, especially when traveling in entirely unknown places and exciting cafes.
”Everyone should treat themselves to one independent cup of coffee” (Andrei)
-Until a few months ago, I never dreamed I would be sitting alone in a cafe drinking my favorite coffee today. I was most ashamed of the girls and what they would say when they saw a guy sitting alone.
And since I didn’t have a girlfriend even when I wasn’t a solo coffee drinker, going on a solo coffee date was not going to affect me, and that’s how I broke the ice. I thought, maybe I’ll attract someone like me haha. I simply enjoyed solitude, escaping from the constant contacts that surrounded me, my parents, my sisters, and messages from social networks. AI would think about important topics; for example, I’d think about my future, needs, finances, and obligations. And I organize it all nicely in my head and leave the cafe like a psychotherapist. Everyone should treat themselves to one independent cup of coffee; they will have my great support.
”It took me a long time to realize that no one was looking at me” (Andjela)
-I was most uncomfortable; I had the impression that everyone was staring at me and whispering that I was a weirdo for sitting alone. I would feel the pressure that I have to talk to the bartender, just to look normal, and then when the conversation started I’d think What am I doing? I must be bothering the waiter. It took me a long time to realize that no one was looking at me or talking about me. First, I started sitting on the terrace; it was more manageable. Now I can’t wait to have a day for myself to drink coffee alone.
”To sit alone and confront your thoughts is a brave decision” (Brook)
-One day I was working on my computer and thought I needed some change in environment and more socialization. I Googled the best places for freelancing and that’s when I went to a place with a great city view, good jazz music and a fantastic waiter. I took my laptop and ordered a coffee. It was hard to concentrate on work and I was sometimes uneasy. But, no one said the first time would be easy or fantastic. It was an ice-breaking decision. To sit alone and confront your thoughts is a brave decision.
I congratulated myself. From time to time I still go out and drink coffee alone.
If you’ve missed Part I with true stories, check it out HERE
